Netsie is one of the most joy filled people I met while in college. Looking back I truly wish I had spent more time with her because she was always bouncing around the halls with her catchy smile and bubbly laugh despite being a part of the rigorous requirements for the nursing major.
She had a similar pregnancy to mine which means it was difficult. On top of that she works full time. Wow.
She had a similar pregnancy to mine which means it was difficult. On top of that she works full time. Wow.
I personally feel that I struggle in the joy department and can deflate quite easily. So when I was considering topics for mothers day I knew that I wanted to learn from someone else on this topic.
Netsie, a very modest soul, at first did not think she could pull off a blog. But as you'll see, I think she did quite well in sharing her heart.
As a pre-requisite to her writing, we had a little dialogue and I also wanted to share a bit from there before diving in.
What struck me was that she spoke so well of her husband. Often I believe we as women feel that our joy depends on our husbands. Does it? I mean "Does it really?" Tricky question for many I am sure.
The other comment she made had to do with communicating her needs to her husband in a way that was clear but not nagging or manipulative. Huh. She called her relationship "open" and I giggled. There are two meanings to that title, but it is my belief that the honesty in love approach does help to create a better relationship and therefore a more joy-filled relationship.
And isn't that what we as mothers truly hope for? A joy-filled relationship with our spouses and children? Where can we find this end of the rainbow outlook?
I realize some of my readers are not married. I hope that you still are able to glean from the story Nestie shares. And for mothers without husbands, who have a special task ahead of them, I hope to post another blog.
Greetings to all who enjoy hearing from Heidi!
Let me introduce myself. My name is Netsie, I was an MK (missionary kid) for a year before starting college, and I currently live in central WA with a 26 mo old, an 11 mo old, and a third due the end of July. I work full-time as a night shift nurse at the local hospital and am married to a wonderful man who is an amazing father to our children. Heidi contacted me recently with the compliment that “you are an amazing mom and being pregnant, would you want to share some tips on keeping a joy-filled home when you have two tinies and one on the way?”
I was surprised (“shocked” would probably be more accurate), and flattered, naturally, but also felt I was probably one of the last people to give any sort of life advice! After all, I’m not the amazing one, my husband is, he’s the one that takes care of the kids most of the time, I’m gone nearly half the time to work. I am not a shining Christian example that has anything godly to say like "I make sure I prioritize my time with God and do X, Y, and Z throughout the day." or even have tricks to keeping one's mind focused on Him, because I'm not good at that at all myself!
I despair over being truly proficient in the kitchen.
Our apartment tends to be messy more often than not. (It's a good thing there's no one to stop by unexpectedly to see it....though, at times, that can be depressing, too, because friends that aren't hundreds or thousands of miles away would be really nice sometimes.)
Plus, our life is completely not what I had planned or imagined, in many aspects.
But I can honestly say I am happy and we as a family are happy. I have been blessed with an amazing husband and wonderful kids. But even when I knew I had a good husband and that kids were a blessing, it didn’t always feel that way and rather than feeling happy, I generally felt an undercurrent of dissatisfaction or frustration in life. It has certainly been a process!
Our life together did not start out as planned. Two weeks before the wedding, my then-fiancé broke his foot, requiring surgery to fix it, and in the years since he has never been pain-free. It has limited a lot of what he can do and a lot of what we had talked about and dreamed about doing together. I found it frustrating that we couldn’t go on those walks and hikes we had planned, especially as hiking has been a big part of my life since childhood. We got pregnant sooner than we had wanted or planned and I had a miserable pregnancy, being sick for almost the full 9 months. He’s currently the stay-at-home dad while I work full-time, which is not what either of us wanted or expected. (Not that I am saying there’s anything wrong with such an arrangement, but it’s not what we had wanted or planned on.) With little ones, the apartment seemed to fall further and further into disarray, tasks continually piling up. Disappointments and frustrations piled up.
But I have slowly learned to be content in whatever situation we find ourselves. And that contentment has led to joy.
This contentment has stemmed from the practice of thankfulness on a regular, if not daily, basis. Philippians 4:6-7 says to “be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” This has been my go-to verse in almost any situation, but there are many verses that encourage the practice of thankfulness. I Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us that we should “in everything, give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Colossians 3:15 “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.”
Thankfulness is not something that just happens or that you simply feel when something good comes along, it is a daily discipline that needs to be practiced and exercised. It reminds us to count our blessings, choosing to look at the positive and not focus on the negative.
Sure, there are things that I could wish were different in our life (I look forward to the day I might get to stay home and not be the one working), but focusing on those things does nothing but create dissatisfaction and frustration.
My husband isn't perfect, but I am certainly far from it! So I am thankful for what he does do and is good at and appreciate that he is encouraging and supportive to me. The dishes might pile up the nights I work, but we are never out of diapers for the kids (we cloth diaper and he does the vast majority, if not all, of the diaper laundry.) I choose to look at the good and overlook the frustrating.
And while kids (particularly such little ones!) are a lot of work, they are a joy and blessing and I think that many times it's all in the perspective you choose. There are times I wish my husband and I could step out for an evening or participate in some adult activity or I go out for the afternoon without worrying about being back to take care of the family. But the smile on my children's faces when we are playing, the hugs and cuddles, the victories in child training (even though you know the battle will have to be fought again), make life so much more fulfilling and rewarding!
There are certainly days, or even longer periods of time, where I find frustration, discouragement, and discontent much easier to give in to, but continuing to be thankful for what we have—and voicing it, even when I don’t feel very thankful—can change that perspective around, leading to contentment and joy with where I am right now.
And as Paul said in Philippians 3:12, “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.”
P.S.—One other tip my husband is constantly reminding me: don’t compare yourself to others. First of all, their life is not always what it seems. Second, it primarily serves to rob you of joy and peace and contentment with where you are.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Netsie, I was an MK (missionary kid) for a year before starting college, and I currently live in central WA with a 26 mo old, an 11 mo old, and a third due the end of July. I work full-time as a night shift nurse at the local hospital and am married to a wonderful man who is an amazing father to our children. Heidi contacted me recently with the compliment that “you are an amazing mom and being pregnant, would you want to share some tips on keeping a joy-filled home when you have two tinies and one on the way?”
I was surprised (“shocked” would probably be more accurate), and flattered, naturally, but also felt I was probably one of the last people to give any sort of life advice! After all, I’m not the amazing one, my husband is, he’s the one that takes care of the kids most of the time, I’m gone nearly half the time to work. I am not a shining Christian example that has anything godly to say like "I make sure I prioritize my time with God and do X, Y, and Z throughout the day." or even have tricks to keeping one's mind focused on Him, because I'm not good at that at all myself!
I despair over being truly proficient in the kitchen.
Our apartment tends to be messy more often than not. (It's a good thing there's no one to stop by unexpectedly to see it....though, at times, that can be depressing, too, because friends that aren't hundreds or thousands of miles away would be really nice sometimes.)
Plus, our life is completely not what I had planned or imagined, in many aspects.
But I can honestly say I am happy and we as a family are happy. I have been blessed with an amazing husband and wonderful kids. But even when I knew I had a good husband and that kids were a blessing, it didn’t always feel that way and rather than feeling happy, I generally felt an undercurrent of dissatisfaction or frustration in life. It has certainly been a process!
Our life together did not start out as planned. Two weeks before the wedding, my then-fiancé broke his foot, requiring surgery to fix it, and in the years since he has never been pain-free. It has limited a lot of what he can do and a lot of what we had talked about and dreamed about doing together. I found it frustrating that we couldn’t go on those walks and hikes we had planned, especially as hiking has been a big part of my life since childhood. We got pregnant sooner than we had wanted or planned and I had a miserable pregnancy, being sick for almost the full 9 months. He’s currently the stay-at-home dad while I work full-time, which is not what either of us wanted or expected. (Not that I am saying there’s anything wrong with such an arrangement, but it’s not what we had wanted or planned on.) With little ones, the apartment seemed to fall further and further into disarray, tasks continually piling up. Disappointments and frustrations piled up.
But I have slowly learned to be content in whatever situation we find ourselves. And that contentment has led to joy.
This contentment has stemmed from the practice of thankfulness on a regular, if not daily, basis. Philippians 4:6-7 says to “be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” This has been my go-to verse in almost any situation, but there are many verses that encourage the practice of thankfulness. I Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us that we should “in everything, give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Colossians 3:15 “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.”
Thankfulness is not something that just happens or that you simply feel when something good comes along, it is a daily discipline that needs to be practiced and exercised. It reminds us to count our blessings, choosing to look at the positive and not focus on the negative.
Sure, there are things that I could wish were different in our life (I look forward to the day I might get to stay home and not be the one working), but focusing on those things does nothing but create dissatisfaction and frustration.
My husband isn't perfect, but I am certainly far from it! So I am thankful for what he does do and is good at and appreciate that he is encouraging and supportive to me. The dishes might pile up the nights I work, but we are never out of diapers for the kids (we cloth diaper and he does the vast majority, if not all, of the diaper laundry.) I choose to look at the good and overlook the frustrating.
And while kids (particularly such little ones!) are a lot of work, they are a joy and blessing and I think that many times it's all in the perspective you choose. There are times I wish my husband and I could step out for an evening or participate in some adult activity or I go out for the afternoon without worrying about being back to take care of the family. But the smile on my children's faces when we are playing, the hugs and cuddles, the victories in child training (even though you know the battle will have to be fought again), make life so much more fulfilling and rewarding!
There are certainly days, or even longer periods of time, where I find frustration, discouragement, and discontent much easier to give in to, but continuing to be thankful for what we have—and voicing it, even when I don’t feel very thankful—can change that perspective around, leading to contentment and joy with where I am right now.
And as Paul said in Philippians 3:12, “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.”
P.S.—One other tip my husband is constantly reminding me: don’t compare yourself to others. First of all, their life is not always what it seems. Second, it primarily serves to rob you of joy and peace and contentment with where you are.
I like the choosing joy, not comparing, lifting up spouse and children, but in the end giving all to the Lord. He knows our frame and cares most about His own.
ReplyDeleteNetsie, this is exactly what I needed to read today! I've been feeling an undercurrent of blah-ness, not really dissatisfaction but not being joyous either. This is the second time today that someone has quoted Paul's words: "I have learned the secret of being content in all circumstances." Yes! In Christ, we can be thankful for all things, even the mundane, hard, and challenging. Thanks for stepping out in faith and writing these sweet words. You're a blessing!
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